As the HIV/AIDS pandemic continues,

As the HIV/AIDS pandemic continues, more and more children know someone who has HIV/AIDS. The person may be a relative, an adult friend, or a playmate in school, church, or the neighborhood. In the midst of this worldwide epidemic, most adults remain uncomfortable talking with children about illness and death. Often, parents, school teachers, and church leaders also have trouble sharing facts about AIDS and sexuality with children. Usually adults find it even harder to talk to children about people the children know who have HIV/AIDS. Dan Schaeffer and Christine Lyons have said:

"The news that a family member has been diagnosed as having AIDS is heartbreaking. Equally difficult to deal with are the stigma surrounding the ill ness and often, an anger stemming from the fact that the disease (excepting those who were infected via a blood transfusion) is related to a sexual or drug-oriented lifestyle. This lifestyle is frequently not easily accepted, or even discussed among adult family members. This is all the more difficult to discuss with children."1

Children need to know facts about AIDS, sexuality, and death which are appropriate for their age level. Answer their questions openly. Do not give them more information than they are asking for or complex explanations. Tell them that it is safe to be friends with people with AIDS, to play with them, talk with them, hug them. Do not use euphemisms about death, such as "she passed away," but concrete words such as "dead" and "buried." If someone they know has HIV/AIDS, describe the person's health using truthful, simple words.

Everyone must learn to grieve. If children are not given honest healthy answers and role models, they might grow up with distorted attitudes toward death and repress their emotions. Factors which may keep children from grieving appropriately include: stoicism in their parent(s), lack of security or nurturing, no available supportive adult, confusion over the death, magical thinking, and inability to express their feelings. Repression can cause people to become depressed, suffer a variety of bodily ailments, turn to drugs or alcohol, and/or act out sex ually or violently. Adults deny their feelings because they were taught to do so when they were children. Break this unhealthy pattern of inability to express feelings if it is present.