Mothers with HIV/AIDS

Mothers with HIV/AIDS

Motherhood is a wonderful experience. Although our children need so much from us, they give us much more in return — hope and a sense of humor are just a few! However, if you are a mother living with HIV/AIDS, you know that having a child brings many more worries to your life than what other mothers might have. Besides the normal increase in responsibilities and demands on you as a parent, you will have to struggle with:

• Telling your child about HIV — if you should and how to do it
• If your child will be rejected if people find out about your HIV
• Discrimination from your child's school
• Disciplining your children
• Parenting your child in spite of feeling drained from HIV/AIDS
• Complications or drug side effects
• Giving your child a happy and secure life
• Planning for the care of your child in the future

A strong support network can help you to cope with the challenges of mothering with HIV. Talking with other mothers who are HIV-positive can give you the confidence you need to be a good mother to your own children.

Planning for Your Child's Future

Having HIV/AIDS no longer means a short life. Women with HIV/AIDS are living longer and raising families. But as is the case for all people, none of us know exactly how long we will live. All parents, including parents who are HIV-positive, need to think about and make plans for their children's future care and custody. Doing so at the early stages of illness, when you are feeling your best, is a good idea. Deciding who will be the guardian, or the person who will take care of your kids if you're too sick or if you pass away, is not easy. There are several different types of guardians.

• Inter vivos (VEE-vohs) guardian. You give complete responsibility to someone else while you're alive. It goes into effect right away.

• Standby guardian. This guardian is selected and is on standby until you want this person to be the guardian. You still have custody, so you won't give up your rights as a parent. So if you need it, the standby guardian can help you while you're alive.

• Testamentary guardian. You put the guardian's name in your will. The guardian will only be able to have authority over your children after you die. The guardian must petition the Family Court to get appointed.

• Standby adoption. You appoint a person to adopt your child at a specific time. The adoption doesn't happen right away, and the parent can advocate for the best interests of the child while alive.

• Traditional adoption. You give up your parental rights and custody of your child.

States have different laws on how to select a guardian. Talk to a lawyer for more information about the laws in your state.